Car Insurance

If you’ve bought a new car lately, you may have had an old- fashioned deflating experience that stays with you. Adriena Masi had one 16 years ago.

She visited a showroom with three small children in tow; her husband had died six months earlier. I asked a salesman for help, she recounts. He said, ‘Lady, why don’t you go home and bring your husband?’ I sat down and cried. Then she went to another dealership and bought a car.

A few years later, Masi was job hunting and ended up selling cars. Today she’s a client adviser at Hassel BMW in Freeport, one of three women in a sales force of 12, and says, I’m here to see that what happened to me doesn’t happen to anyone else.

But she knows it happens at some other dealerships because women customers sometimes share those bad experiences with her. And although I heard about terrific saleswomen when I asked women in my professional and personal networks about their car-buying experiences, the negative anecdotes were plentiful and much like Masi’s.

I guess we haven’t come too far, baby, wrote Gloria Glowacki of the Small Business Development Center at Stony Brook, recalling her own experience only two months previous. The guy kept me waiting a ridiculous amount of time while he waited on ‘real customers.’ He actually said, ‘Don’t you want to call your husband and check?’

Noreen Carro, vice president of LMN Printing in Valley Stream, reported a whole series of brand-new gender misadventures leasing a new car. Dealer 1 addressed most of the answers to my significant other, Larry. When I asked if there was anything they could do on the monthly payments, they were kind of stern. When he [Larry] asked, there was a $50 decrease. I got the fish handshake, he got the firm handshake.

Salesman at Dealer 2 talked to her, but when it came to closing the deal, Larry was asked how it would be paid for. Dealer 3: Carro posed all the questions, but he had no time for me at all. I was invisible. Larry called attention to the fact that Carro would be paying for her own car. He still gave an answer indicating Larry was more knowledgeable. Strike 3.

Dealer 4: the salesman directed all his responses to Carro, understood her specific concerns, was straightforward about price ranges and had them both drive the car. She took the deal. The kicker: When I went back to pick the car up, he asked me out on a date.

Car dealers and manufacturers take note - each time Carro moved on, she switched brands, not just dealerships.

What makes this same-old, same-old so amazing is that it’s widely publicized that women make more than 50 percent of the car-buying decisions these days. Ford Motor Co. says it may be closer to 80 percent. And the saleswomen I talked to confirmed that once trust is established (yes, a relationship!), female customers are notably loyal, returning to the same salesperson regularly for new vehicles.

So if you’re not in the market for a car right now, does it matter that the promised land of gender equity may not apply? Well, some of my respondents told stories about buying boats, getting cars repaired, getting anything repaired and dealing with contractors. And how about dealing with male investment advisers? Male doctors?

Most remarkably, almost every anecdote I was told ended with, So I walked out. Why do we so rarely speak up when we are patronized and insulted, even though we’re holding the economic power?

That’s pretty complicated. So for the moment, let’s settle for a few ideas on how to respond.

Adriena Masi: Ask at the desk for another salesperson. You just have to say ‘I’m not comfortable, can I talk to someone else?’

Norman Orenstein, who operates the Auto Buying Service in Merrick and has many women clients, said, I’d say, ‘Hey listen, I’m not going to buy the car from you, and this is the reason and why are you approaching me this way?’

Dr. Janice Grackin, Department of Psychology at Stony Brook, said she looks for a woman to buy from for the same reason she prefers female doctors: I feel more comfortable and able to be assertive with another woman. My own increased self-confidence leads to being treated differently.

Barbara Boccio of Boccio Design Group said surprise them. She noticed how much attention her husband got during car shopping by digging around in the engine and looking underneath. He actually requested it be put up on a lift - another idea for the checklist and one that should flip the sales guys out.

Gloria Glowacki: I should have asked the salesman if he needed to call his wife before completing the deal.

Reality check: Psychologist Susan Dowell believes women should take more responsibility for the success of their interactions. The way people communicate is 50 percent of the game. Be aware of the stances you take. Do you expect to be treated a certain way? That will come across through body language, attentiveness in approaching certain domains. Go in with a stance of expecting service, just like when you ask for a raise. Getting it depends on your expectations.